


Giant Magnets and Abs of Steel

by thehaikubandit



Category: Andromeda (TV)
Genre: Multi, Other, Season/Series 01, never bet against trance gemini, this is kinda crackfic, tyr's chainmail shirt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:57:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3890272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehaikubandit/pseuds/thehaikubandit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why exactly does Tyr wear a chainmail shirt? Does it do anything? How does it rip so easily? And is this a normal space thing or are people going to comment on it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giant Magnets and Abs of Steel

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a VERY belated birthday present for a friend. Thank you so much for introducing me to the beauty that is Andromeda in general, and Shirtless!Tyr specifically. I hope you enjoy this nonsense.

“Does he ever do anything else?” asked Harper, walking onto the bridge and flopping down into a chair with a sigh, resting his feet on one of the consoles. “I mean, it’s not like he needs to, and I get tired just watching him. It’s bad for morale.”

“Harper, are you going to explain what the hell you are talking about at some point?” Beka replied, slapping his feet off the consol.

“Tyr is practising his sparring again. I mean, the guy doesn’t take a break. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good he can protect us from the scary bad guys, but I’m starting to think he doesn’t sleep.”

Beka and Trance shared a look. “Rommie,” Trance said. “Out of nothing more than an uninterested and totally platonic curiosity, is he wearing a shirt?”

Rommie got a distant look in her eye for a second as she checked the cameras in the exercise room. “The string vest, which I believe we decided didn’t count. So no, no shirt.”

“You know Trance,” said Beka, “You’ve been getting really bad at sparring lately. What would you do if someone were to attack you?”

“I’m not sure, do you think we should head down to the gym and you can help me practise?”

Harper looked between the three of them with a shocked expression. “Wait – is this because? But – Trance, do you even –? Rommie you’re a ship! My – I mean, I built you for - ” he trailed off.

“Harper, there is absolutely nothing wrong with looking.” Beka told him. “Hell, how haven’t you? The guy goes around in leather pants, and if, IF he wears any shirt it’s usually the chainmail number, which is ripped most of the time anyway. You’d have to be blind not to at least admire him from a platonic point of view.”

Dylan chose this moment to enter the bridge. “Does someone care to explain why Harper looks like he might explode?”

“Sparring.” The three said together.

“Oh.” He considered for a moment. “Shirt?”

“No, the string vest.” Trance replied.

“Well, I suppose we could all do with the extra practise hours.”

“Wait, you too?” Harper’s jaw looked like it would drop off his head if he opened his mouth any wider.

“I’m straight, not blind Harper.” Dylan retorted. “Well, most of the... anyway, perfect 20/20 vision here.”

“Do you know what I really don’t understand?” said Trance. “How does he even manage to rip the chainmail? I mean if it tears that easily, it can’t be any good for protection. Is it purely a style thing? Because if we were to meet an enemy with a giant magnet, wouldn’t it be really bad for him?”

“He probably figures with his abs of steel he’s already screwed, and we may as well all enjoy the view,” said Beka.

Harper laughed. “Come on Trance, what are the odds of meeting someone with a giant magnet? I bet you a month of washing up it doesn’t happen in the next four years.”

Trance considered this. “I really don’t like washing up... You’re on!”

 

And for some mysterious reason, the giant magnet showed up three days later.

The problem was, Harper decided, was stupid space pirate kids who lived on their own with no sensible adult around to tell them what was and what was not completely stupid, who were stupid enough to build a weapon out of a bad earth movie. A giant electro-magnet? Really? He hated dishes. And stupid space pirate kids. And bad earth mo- ok, he wouldn’t go that far. But still, this was so unfair.

It was worth it when Tyr did indeed get sucked up by the giant magnet and dangled from it as he tried furiously to get out of his shirt. The fact that his crew were falling over themselves laughing meant that it took even longer to defeat the space pirate kids than usual, and he was stuck up there glaring and yelling threats at any offspring anyone may ever have for nearly an hour. When the magnet did get switched off he proceeded to blast the controls to smithereens, to ensure it would not happen again. Then he stalked off without a word, still glaring daggers at everyone around him. 

“See it didn’t even rip with all that,” complained Trance as she helped tie up the last small space pirate kid.

“I’ve calculated there is a 95% chance he does it to distract his opponents,” said Rommie. “Watching past battles and judging the combat outcomes, it does appear to be an effective strategy.”

“Well, we have yet to fight anyone without the gift of sight, or at least echolocation,” said Rev Bem. “It does make sense that it would work.”

At this remark Harper put his hands over his ears and shouted lalala a lot. Unfortunately for him this drew Trance’s attention and she began to torment him about his coming washing up duty, chasing him as he ran. The small space pirate kids looked at each other and shrugged. Grown-ups right? So immature.

They left the space pirate kids in the care of local law enforcement on a friendly planet close by. Dylan, in his usual noble manner managed to work out a deal for them where they would all be adopted and raised, before being trained as officers of the Commonwealth.

“We could use their creative approach to battle strategy,” he told the police chief. Beka had to smother a laugh at this, and Tyr “accidentally” tripped her on the way back to the ship.

 

That evening all was back to usual on Andromeda. Well, apart from the fact that Harper was doing washing up, that was a second miracle in a day. Tyr was once more sparring in the exercise room, and in protest at being stuck to something by a shirt, had gone without. The rest of the crew sat in the bridge with the security feed and popcorn. When Harper decided to join them after the last dish was clean, nobody said a word.


End file.
